8 Things That Irritate Me in Fiction

Since I've started this blog, I've been widening my reading horizons: exploring new genres, reading new authors, breaking into adult fiction. It's been great, and it's helped me to start to see what I like to read -- and what I don't -- in fiction.
Some things (like cliches) can be done well. Love triangles can (rarely) be a great addition to the story. But the things I'm going to talk about are 99% of the time going to annoy me (or make me really angry... it has happened) if I see them in a book. And they turn up surprisingly often in books I've read, despite the fact that -- in my opinion -- the vast majority novels would be better off without them.

1. "As You Know" Dialogue

The author wants the readers to know something. Whether it be about a character's backstory, some aspect of their world building, etc, they somehow decide that their best course of action is to have a character talk about it -- in the most out-of-character way possible. 

I cannot stand dialogue that does this. 99% of the time, the character would not be talking like this and is only revealing information for the sake of the readers, not the other characters. It comes off as fake, obnoxious, and amateur. I would much rather read an info-dump in the narrative than have to put up with characters talking like textbooks. 

2. Over the Top Villains

Black, swirling capes; dark, hollow eyes; chilling laughter, cheesy one-liners taken straight out of The Villain's Pocket Handbook to Villainous Dialogue. These guys have it all. Literally their entire persona oozes "villain lifted directly from '90s cartoon." This includes knowing that the good guys are good and they -- along with everything they stand for -- is evil. They are a collection of stereotypes and stupidity that has absolutely no place in any book that isn't supposed to be a satire. 

3. Characters Over-Reacting to Situation

This may seem like a nitpicky thing, but I really can't stand it when a character over-reacts to their circumstances. For instance, a character sees a dead body for the first time, and immediately loses their lunch. I'm not saying that this isn't a perfectly natural human response -- but I've seen the same reactions for so many main characters that I'm wondering if it's not a default reaction for authors to fall back on. There's also the classic scene where the main character loses someone close to them and starts screaming and crying -- again, perfectly natural response... but not everyone would respond like this. Some would cry silently. Some would be numb, unable to cry. The main thing I'm asking from authors here is to just really examine their character's reactions, and make them fit the character.

4. Describing hair and eye colour -- in first person

"My long black hair blows wildly in the wind" is a line that I want to be able to permanently erase from my memory for all of eternity. In first person, you're seeing everything through the character's eyes. And let me tell you, when I'm running down a street, or standing on the edge of a cliff with the wind blowing through my hair, my first thought isn't "my long brown hair blows in the wind". Actually, my thought process is more along the lines of "Ugh. Annoying hair. Get out of my face. Bleh. Wind." Nothing about "chocolate brown" or "platinum blonde", see?

The same thing bothers me about eye colour, though it happens less often. However, both descriptions should be hunted down and scratched out before the book goes to press.

5. Overuse of and/or Bad Metaphors and Similes

There are two parts to this complaint. One is the overuse of metaphors and similes. In these books, it seems like every other description contains a metaphor or simile -- even when it isn't necessary. Metaphors are supposed to be used to clarify an image for the reader -- so when we already know what something looks like, metaphors are pointless. 

My other complaint is about bad metaphors. It seems more and more that "wacky metaphors and similes" are being equated to "good writing". The more out there your metaphor is, the better. This last complaint is something I will genuinely hate a book for. I can't stand bad writing, and this is up there with some of my least favorite writing techniques of all time.

6. Animal Attacks

I know, I know, a lot of books have one of these. But let me tell you, every time I read one, I inwardly roll my eyes. "Oh, it's the token bear/wolf/coyote attack to fill up space before the next actually plot relevant scene." 

I don't like these scenes for two reasons. Number one, they're usually unrealistic. Wolves and bears will not normally attack people unless they're a) defending their young or b) starving. Number two, nine times out of ten, the attack serves no purpose for the story. It's written to kill time, create more action, and that's it. There's no world building, or characterization, or anything involved in these scenes. 

Okay, and I have to take a moment to mention one more thing. I read a book this year (though I actually didn't finish it) where there was an animal attack. And the attack included bears, wolves, and coyotes. In the same place. This is so unrealistic, I can't even. The worst part was, before that point, I'd been loving the book. After that, well... I just didn't.
So when writing animal attacks, please think twice about why you're doing it. And please let it actually add something to the plot.

7. Unclear/Nonexistent Character Motivations

The character goes on the quest because, well... someone has to go on the quest, and they're the hero. So of course, even though  they have no motivations (or even worse, motivation to not go on the quest) they go along anyway.

This annoys me to no end. When the character doesn't know what they want, we as readers don't know what to want either.

8. Wise Old Mentor Characters

This character type is up there with cheesy villains as one of my least favorite archetypes of all time. This guy is old as the hills, with enough knowledge to help the hero master their abilities and themselves in the process. The problem? They're also fond of riddles, even when faced with the impending doom of the world as they know it. I usually hate mentor characters that fall into this stereotype because they're all exactly the same. All white haired with a mysterious past. All knowledgeable. All equally cryptic, because straight answers are not a thing, apparently.
They're overused. There are so many awesome mentor characters out there that break this stereotype. For example, in the middle grade magical realism novel, Sweep, the mentor character is a young school teacher. In Spin the Dawn, the love interest doubles as the mentor of the novel. In The Hunger Games, the mentor is not all-knowing, and is drunk more than half the time.
There are plenty of mentors out there that break the stereotype, and are far more realistic and three dimensional than the wise old hermits we've come to associate with the word "mentor" anyway.


And that's it for now! I may do a follow up post in the future, because there are a lot of things that irritate me in fiction, but I'm going to stop here for the sake of brevity.
Do you agree with any of my points? Disagree? Are there any things that irritate you in fiction that I haven't included here? Let me know your opinions in the comments!